Identity Crisis
Often we tell people: We spent 25+ years learning how to appropriately live in the culture of the United States; now we are starting at nearly ground zero and learning how to appropriately live in the French context. And though I first thought the term "Identity Crisis" was too strong of a description, upon reading the definition, it seems [perhaps too] accurate.
Enter Identity Crisis.
For 25 years I have been known - to myself and others - as an extravert who has never met a stranger. I am bold, friendly, and quick to speak, often before I think.
And now, 7 months into life in France, I find myself an introvert, shy and timid, stumbling over words and feeling delayed - stuck, trapped, not myself - as I am forced to think before I speak.
identity crisis
You see, Jordan and I knew that moving to a foreign country would change us, but until one has experienced it firsthand, it is impossible to imagine just how you may change.noun
1.
a period or episode of psychological distress, often occurring in adolescence but sometimes in adulthood, when a person seeks a clearer sense of self and an acceptable role in society.2.
confusion as to goals and priorities
Enter Identity Crisis.
For 25 years I have been known - to myself and others - as an extravert who has never met a stranger. I am bold, friendly, and quick to speak, often before I think.
And now, 7 months into life in France, I find myself an introvert, shy and timid, stumbling over words and feeling delayed - stuck, trapped, not myself - as I am forced to think before I speak.
It's not that these changes are necessarily bad things; it's simply that I do not yet know how to navigate the world as this person.
As one of my friends so beautifully put it: When I can't effectively communicate or interact with others linguistically, culturally, or relationally, what is left of me? Where is my identity when everything I am capable of doing, contributing, and communicating needs to be temporarily put on the shelf? When everything "quintessentially me" is stripped away, who am I?
This is a daily question - sometimes it brings me laughter, other times only tears. But I am grateful that, despite the constant change in and around me, I serve a God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He created me; He knit me together in my mother's womb, and He who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion.
As one of my friends so beautifully put it: When I can't effectively communicate or interact with others linguistically, culturally, or relationally, what is left of me? Where is my identity when everything I am capable of doing, contributing, and communicating needs to be temporarily put on the shelf? When everything "quintessentially me" is stripped away, who am I?
This is a daily question - sometimes it brings me laughter, other times only tears. But I am grateful that, despite the constant change in and around me, I serve a God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He created me; He knit me together in my mother's womb, and He who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion.
I do understand your situation..!
ReplyDeleteMarie, I'm sure you do! I just read an interesting blog that described someone starting as a blue person in a blue world, then moving to a yellow country with yellow people; either they become a swirl of blue and yellow or completely green, but never again will they just be blue. It's beautiful but not easy!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to your description of the identity crisis....I definitely feel like I experience daily a personality change when I can't express myself the way I want to (sometimes that's a good thing!)...or I'm not talking or interacting as much as I normally do...God is definitely using that in my life to seek more what He wants from me instead of me just doing/saying what I want....definitely not easy!
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